but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
