Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
