I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And then he peed in my hair
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