i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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