I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
