I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
