Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Someone signed my nipple.
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