I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize