I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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