Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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