I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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