I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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