I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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