just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
