are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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