i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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