end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
