I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
