you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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