yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
