I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
