Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
