like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
