two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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