i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
