if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
