Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
