I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
