This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
