All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
