I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
