Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
