I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
