i think i have herpe
just one?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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