I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
