now i know why i became what i already was.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
