I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
