Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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