im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
