I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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