all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
