It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
