She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize