couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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