I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
