If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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