You're completely useless in the revolution.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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