dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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