Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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