A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
