you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
