yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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