Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
