Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
