Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches