Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.