you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire