i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
