Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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