ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
