now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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