either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
