He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos