it hurts more in the daytime
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower