Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee