You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.