To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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