Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.