About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?