I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
