I hope mine doesn't look like that
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
