if you like me you must not know who I am
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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