I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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