she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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