ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
