do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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