We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Someone came in the potted fern
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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